wedding journal
Rik Wright and I were married in Thailand on June 2, 2002. This is my journal from our two weeks in Thailand.
Wednesday, May 22, 2002
The day of our legal marriage ceremony! We got dressed up and took a taxi to the Public Safety Building with my mom and dad. Once we got there, we were introduced to the judge who officiated our ceremony, the Honorable Ron A. Mamiya. We were pleased to find that he's a Buddhist and also a really nice guy. The vows that he read for us were touching and meaningful... I think Rik and I were both surprised that this civil ceremony, which we'd expected to be merely a legality, was so moving.
We had a celebratory lunch at Cafe Flora with my parents, and then went home to finish packing.
Thursday, May 23, 2002 - Friday, May 24, 2002
The airport shuttle picked us up a little after 9:00 am. We went to the airport and checked in, then realized we had nearly two hours before our flight boarded. We found some breakfast and tried to nap. After a couple of hours, we boarded our flight and took off for Tokyo's Narita airport. The flight was about 9 1/2 hours - that is a long time to be crammed into those little seats! We were so happy to get off the plane at Narita to stretch our legs. We found an airport restaurant and had "mixed sandwiches" - they sounded potentially scary but ended up to be just like tea sandwiches - and iced tea. My dad bought us all a dessert called ice crepes - basically a crepe filled with ice cream and fruit, folded into a triangle, and re-frozen so that it's hard enough to hold and eat. They're packaged in a typically colorful and eye-catching Japanese way. Rik picked up a couple of souvenirs - some sake cups and a traditional doll.
Then it was time to get back on the plane for a 6 1/2 hour flight to Bangkok. After we arrived in Bangkok at 11:00 pm local time, we had to go through immigration and customs. The process seemed pretty smooth and didn't take too long. When we came out into the main lobby of the terminal, we spotted Kung and Dr. Chulee waiting for us with big smiles. They'd brought us flower garlands that smelled of jasmine and roses and said "Welcome to Thailand!"
We were taken to the hotel on the Kasetsart University campus. We got checked in and went to our rooms. We were a little puzzled by a couple of things - first, there was an energy-saving system that required us to put our room key into a special holder to turn on the power. (Later, we discovered that this is common in hotels.) Second, there were two twin beds in the room, instead of one or two double beds like there would be in an American hotel. We were so tired that we simply showered quickly and went to sleep.
Saturday, May 25, 2002
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We got up and had breakfast in the hotel restaurant. They had a breakfast buffet that included some American food (eggs, ham, french toast, cereal) as well as some Thai and Chinese dishes. I was pleased to find several kinds of fruit and a yummy beverage called chrysanthemum drink. It tasted like honey, but I did some research and found that it really is cold chrysanthemum flower tea.
Kung and Dr. Chulee picked us up to take us to the seamstress so Mom and I could be measured for our Thai dresses for the wedding. Khun Mon, the seamstress, was very smart and friendly - we felt like we were in good hands. She measured us and sent us on our way to buy fabric. Before we left her neighborhood, Kung took us into a market area to buy some fruit - mangosteen and rambutan. We also got some "ancient coffee" or oleang in a plastic bag with ice. It's delicious! I thought I would have to give up coffee while I was in Thailand, but not if I could drink oleang every day!
Rik and my dad got measured for their Thai shirts at a men's tailor not far from campus. Fafa chose some dark red silk fabric, and Rik chose a cream-colored silk to coordinate with my planned purchase of cream-colored silk. The men at the tailor shop seemed very entertained to be making Thai clothes for farang (foreigners).
We had lunch at a Thai restaurant near campus. The food was okay, especially the shrimp cakes and the som tam (spicy papaya salad). Dr. Chulee kept warning me that that the som tam was spicy, and I kept reassuring her that I liked it!
Next we took a taxi to the monorail (Sky Train) station, took the monorail closer to downtown, and took another taxi to Chinatown. Chulee's family is from Chinatown, so she was right at home. She took us to a gold shop where my parents bought gifts for us for the wedding. We pretended we didn't know what they were doing (and took the opportunity to rest in the air-conditioned store). Then we plunged into the actual market - it seemed to go on forever and there were a million people there. I got quite claustrophobic from being so crowded by people. My dad leaned over and said into my ear, "Em, you're bigger than these people, just push them out of your way!" That's easier said than done - I took it to heart in kindergarten when my teacher said "No pushing!".
After plowing through blocks of the market, we stopped to buy fabric for Mom's dress. She chose a bright blue fabric with gold accents, which would look very nice. Then we continued onward until we reached a shop that sold lots of traditional stuff - gold-colored belts and bracelets and headdresses and hair ornaments and so forth. At this shop, we got my cream & gold silk fabric for my dress, the purple silk fabric for Rik's joong ka ben (sarong pants), and a gold-colored belt for me to wear with my dress. I felt like a big fat American because only one of the belts would fasten around my waist. After we paid, we went next door to buy wedding favors. A lot of the options were pretty tacky, but we found some tiny gold mesh bags that each contain 4 quarter-baht coins. They're supposed to bring good fortune and prosperity to the wedding guests.
By this time, my feet were killing me and we were all exhausted. We took taxis back to campus and took showers and naps. For dinner, we walked to a nearby sukiyaki restaurant. I've also heard this style of food preparation called shabu-shabu. There was a large hot pot filled with broth in the middle of the table, then we ordered vegetables, meats, and noodles to cook in the broth. It got better as the meal progressed and more things were thrown in the pot. For dessert, my dad and I split sesame-seed-paste-filled dumplings in a ginger broth. I know it sounds weird but we found it really tasty!
Sunday, May 26, 2002
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Our friends picked us up and drove us to a temple at the edge of the river, where we got in a boat and crossed to the island called Ko Kret. Ko Kret is inhabited by a group of people of Mon descent, who were the dominant culture in Thailand centuries ago (the Dvaravati Kingdom).Today, a small group of Mon people live on Ko Kret and specialize in making pottery. We wandered around for most of the morning, buying gifts for friends and tasting foods that Kung selected for us from vendors in the market. There were lots of interesting things to try: fish paste balls, fried pork toasts (think shrimp toasts with pork - it sounds weird, but it was good!), some kind of starchy fruit cooked in sugar syrup, tiny chicken wontons, coconut balls, crepe-like squishy cookies that looked like banana slugs, tiny custards cooked in banana-leaf cups, and the best oleang we drank on the whole trip!
We stopped to rest in a throw-your-own pottery shop. The shop's owner talked my dad into trying out the pottery wheel, and he threw a pot and saucer. Through Kung's translation, the man told Fafa, "You concentrate very well, most people's first pot is crooked." We all had fun decorating the pots with our names.
We had lunch in an open-air restaurant near the river's edge, then got on another boat to take a tour around the island. We stopped twice to visit stores that make traditional Thai desserts, so we could watch them being made and taste them. Rik and I were enchanted with some tiny cookies shaped like flowers that tasted both sweet and perfumey. I later found out that part of the cooking process involves steaming with water perfumed with flower essences.
When we returned to campus, Mom didn't feel well and Fafa had to go work with Dr. Chulee and Kung to prepare for Kung's thesis defense. Rik and I went to the hotel restaurant for dinner, and managed to order some food through pointing and gesturing. The waiters all seemed pleased that we scarfed down our food despite the communication difficulties. That was consistent with our impression about Thai people and food: they really want you to have something to eat!
Monday, May 27, 2002
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Dr. Chulee took us to the Grand Palace complex in the morning. We arrived before the gates were opened, so we walked across the street and visited Lak Muang, the shrine of the City Pillar. The first pillar was commissioned by King Rama I as the foundation of the city of Bangkok when he established it as his capitol. King Rama IV added an additional pillar next to the original one. Many people believe that the spirits that reside here have the power to grant wishes, so they come to make offerings and pay respect. One of the traditional offerings is a whole pig's head with incense stuck in the forehead... I found that quite disturbing!
Across the street from San Lak Muang is the Ministry of Defense. The lawn of the building contains a bunch of antique cannons, each with a plaque detailing when and where it was used. Nearby, there's a huge parade field called Sanam Luang. It's used for royal funerals, for the annual Ploughing Ceremony, and for New Year's celebrations.
Finally, we entered the Grand Palace complex and were immediately taken aside because Mom was wearing shoes that weren't considered sufficiently respectful. We already knew that we'd have to wear shirts with sleeves (bare shoulders are not respectful) and either long pants or skirts, but we hadn't heard that shoes that didn't have a heel strap were also forbidden. Fortunately, they offer loaner sandals for rent - Mom said they were clean and comfortable, so she wasn't bothered by the shoe exchange.
I was overwhelmed with everything there was to see in the Grand Palace complex. It wasn't just a palace - there were lots of buildings with different purposes, each of them with fantastic architecture and intricate details and decorations. We weren't allowed to enter any of the actual Palace buildings - they are rarely used now excpet for royal ceremonial occasions and sometimes as housing for honored foreign guests. People kept telling us that Bill Clinton stayed there once. It is still guarded by elaborately uniformed guards, similar to the guards at Buckingham Palace. It's popular with tourists to try to make them laugh or smile, but they've been well-trained at keeping a stone face. We toured a museum that held royal artifacts like jewels and clothing, and another museum that held Buddha artifacts like old Buddha images and items that had been left as offerings to the Emerald Buddha.
By far the most impressive part of the complex, in my opinion, was Wat Phra Kaeo, or the Temple of the Emerald Buddha. Inside the temple itself, I felt a wonderful sense of peace. The Emerald Buddha itself is much smaller than I had imagined, about 2 feet tall, but is housed on a large altar decorated with many other images and figures. The Emerald Buddha is dressed in golden clothes that the King changes at the beginning of each season. The walls of the temple are covered with murals that represent moments from the life of Buddha - the most interesting of which is the mural on the back wall over the doors, which features thousands of interlocking human figures. I learned that this mural represents the temptations the the demon Mara sent to distract the Buddha while he meditated. (And the figure of a woman wringing out her hair is the earth goddess Dharani, who washed away the temptations with a tidal wave from her wet hair.)
I was really struck by the Phra Si Rattana Chedi, a huge golden chedi that is claimed to hold some of the Buddha's ashes. Another interesting feature was a tabletop-sized model of the Angkor Wat temple complex in Cambodia. It was made during the reign of King Rama IV, when the Thai empire included part of Cambodia.
After leaving the Grand Palace, we had lunch in a noodle shop that Chulee chose. When we arrived, it was filled with students from the nearby universities. I was surprised to see that university students wear school uniforms. I can't imagine telling American college students they have to wear uniforms! I ordered pad thai kung, which I expected to be noodles with shrimp... and it was, but the shrimp were whole and still had their legs and antennae and everything. That was kind of scary! After lunch we walked around a riverside market area for a few minutes - it was interesting to see all the different food vendors and shops that catered to college kids.
After showering and taking naps, we met Dr. Busaba, a colleague of Dr. Chulee, and her husband and son for dinner. We went to Suan Thip restaurant, a fine restaurant on the bank of the Chao Phraya river. In addition to the main building, the restaurant features large gardens and waterways surrounding individual dining pavilions. We sat in one of the pavilions and had a lovely Thai meal. The most exciting part of the evening was when a gecko jumped from the roof of our pavilion and landed on my dad's shoulder, then ran over his head, down his arm, and across the table to make his exit! The Americans in the party thought it was kind of neat. The Thai people didn't seem so entertained.
Tuesday, May 28, 2002
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Kung's thesis defense was this morning, so she and my dad and Dr. Chulee were all busy. My mom didn't feel well... so Rik and I were sent off with three students to do some more sight-seeing. We decided to run a couple of errands first, so the students took us to the post office to mail some postcards, and a branch of the Thai Army Bank to cash the rest of our traveler's checks. The post office involved taking a number and waiting in a very long line, but it wasn't too bad. The bank, however, refused to cash our traveler's checks because they said Rik's signature didn't match his pre-signature. We ended up piling into a taxi and going to the main Bangkok American Express office, where we explained the problem and they cashed the checks for us. Whew! Fun with bureaucracy! While we were downtown, we stopped by the Central Department Store and bought another small camera so we'd each have one. We were surprised to find that things like shoes and cameras cost as much as they do in the U.S.
Then we went to the Teak Palace, also known as Vimanmek Mansion. It's built entirely of golden teakwood which is very rare in modern times. I was especially interested to see it because it was originally built by King Rama V on Ko Si Chang, the island where our wedding took place. It was built as a vacation home for the royal family, but was never completed because the French briefly occupied the island as part of a war effort in 1894. In 1901, King Rama V ordered the mansion to be dismantled and taken to Suan Dusit Palace in Bangkok. The king lived there for six years. Today, the mansion is decorated with furniture, art, and decorative and useful pieces from the time of King Rama V, as well as possessions of the present royal family. With my interest in genealogy, I especially liked the opportunity to see old photos of the royal family - it was fun to see tin-types of dazed-looking royal babies at the turn of the century.
After completing the tour, we watched a performance of Thai classical dance in a pavilion outside the mansion. Rik and I were both really impressed with the performance. The dancers changed costumes several times to demonstrate different styles of dance.
In the evening, Mom and I had the first fittings of our dresses for the wedding. Mom's was done and looked beautiful - both pretty and comfortable. Mine was way too big on top, which I thought was pretty funny - I guess Khun Mon overcorrected for my American figure. We met Kung's Mommy for the first time at Khun Mon's shop - she came running out to greet us, "Hello Emily! Hello Rik!" before we even got in the door! After our fittings, we all went to dinner at Foodland, a combination grocery store/restaurant. The food was delicious. When I ordered, the waiter didn't believe that I wanted the dish I ordered because "all the Thai people eat it" and he thought it was too spicy. I cleaned my plate, I hope that convinced him! Mommy Lakrod slipped away during dinner and bought bags of mangos, litchi, and longkong fruits to feed us for dessert. Mommy likes to feed people.
Wednesday, May 29, 2002
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My dad gave his seminar today, so Mom and Rik and I were sent off with some students to visit "One Village, One Product." This was like a tradeshow of Thai handicrafts and other native products, held in a convention center. There's a government program that helps native artists, craftspeople, and growers to sell their products. We all had a good time looking at and buying things. It was intriguing that there was a wide range of English-speaking among the sellers. We bought some ginseng tea from two men who called us over and gave us samples of several kinds of tea and discussed the properties of the tea with us... and I also bought some tiny silk bags from a woman who had to point to numbers on her signs to tell me how much they cost. Rik was excited to buy two pin, traditional Thai guitar-like instruments with 3 strings. One of the pin is electrified and sounds kind of like a mutant banjo!
In the afternoon, Rik and my dad had their first fittings at the tailor shop. Rik's shirt was also too big - I know we're big Americans, but we're not THAT big! My dad's shirt fit well but had mega-shoulder pads. He insisted that he's just really manly, but we didn't believe him. Kung said that Thai men are usually small-shouldered so it's typical for tailors to heavily pad the shoulders of men's suits so they look more physically imposing.
In the evening, Mom and I went back to Khun Mon's shop to pick up our dresses. I had a moment alone with Khun Mon when I first went into the shop - she speaks no English and I speak no Thai, but I said "sawadee ka" made the wai gesture, and she returned the wai and then held my hand for a moment. I felt like we had communicated despite the language barrier. Khun Mon fussed over my dress for a while longer, making sure that the lace part fastened to the blouse properly. She also gave me a Buddha amulet - after she asked Kung if it was all right to give it to me. She was concerned that I might be offended, but we reassured her that I was not! She said it's her tradition to give a Buddha image for good luck to everyone for whom she makes a wedding dress. I was touched.
We went back to Foodland for dinner, we'd enjoyed it so much the night before. Mom ordered "macaroni gai" which turned out to be reminiscent of spaghetti without any cheese. She hadn't been feeling well, so I was pleased to see that she ate most of it.
Thursday, May 30, 2002
I ended up spending most of the day waiting at the hotel for Jill and Brenda to arrive, and after the whirlwind pace of the previous week, I welcomed the break. After Rik and I had breakfast, I went back to bed for a while. Mid-morning, my dad and I went with Dr. Chulee to visit the bank and the post office again - we were more successful this time. We had lunch with Kung at a cafeteria on campus - we all ate wide rice noodles (sen yai) with fried fish and a mushroom-green onion gravy. Really delicious! We took some back for my mom to eat in her room. I ordered macaroni gai to take back to Rik because I knew his stomach was hurting - he ate it all so I figured it was the right thing for him.
In the afternoon, Rik and my dad went to pick up their wedding clothes. I watched CNN Asia and took a nap. Finally, Jill and Brenda arrived - they were tired and sunburned. They'd spent the day in Lop Buri visiting the monkeys. Chulee took them to the Marway Gardens hotel where they would spend the night, and we all met at the Central Department Store. I got extravagent gold-colored high-heeled shoes to wear with my wedding dress. We all had dinner together at a Vietnamese restaurant. The best thing we had to eat was shrimp that had been finely chopped and molded around lengths of sugarcane, then fried. That was unusual and good!
After dinner, Kung, Jill, Brenda, Rik, and I all went to the Patpong/Silom night market to shop for Thai dresses for Jill & Brenda. We went from stand to stand trying clothes on the girls. We had a hard time finding clothes that weren't for tiny Thai girls, but eventually we found lovely silk skirts and tops for both of them. Patpong is the red light district, although we didn't see too much of that element. Rik started to turn down one of the side streets while we were shopping and Kung politely said, "No, that is something else," all matter-of-factly. It was very funny! We took a taxi back to the hotel and unluckily got a scary crazy taxi driver. He told us a long convoluted story about how he was a detective or an EMT or some other imaginary self-important position, plus he drove like a bat out of hell... Kung kept him talking and Rik kept an eagle eye on him and nothing bad happened. Before bed, we packed our smaller bags to take with us to Ko Si Chang.
Friday, May 31, 2002
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We got up early, had breakfast, and finished packing. We were picked up in a van at 10:00, collected Kung on campus, went to Marway Gardens to get Jill & Brenda, and then the van driver decided that the air conditioner needed to be recharged before we left. It was hot in the van, so we weren't too displeased... so we went and stood around in a service station garage for a while. It was hot. I was glad I'd packed some fans. Kung decided that she would drive her car in addition to the van, so my mom and two of the Thai girls who were coming along to help with the wedding could be more comfortable. We all went over to the Lakrod house, where we dropped off our excess luggage and Mommy Lakrod gave us bottles of water and boxes of chicken rolls and pastries for the trip to the boat dock in Si Racha. The trip was only about an hour and a half long, but she was concerned we'd get hungry.
Once we arrived in Si Racha, we got out and unload the van so we could get on the boat. The tide was very low, so we had to climb down a ladder into the boat. I had a moment of inner struggle about the ladder - I'm afraid of heights and it was very difficult for me to take the first step onto the ladder. But eventually we all got on the boat and found chairs out on the deck so we could see during the 30-minute trip across the Gulf to Ko Si Chang. When we arrived on the island, we had real stairs to climb instead of a scary ladder. Kung's Uncle Toom was waiting for us with his truck at the pier. He had to make three or four trips to get all the people and all the luggage and flowers back to his guesthouse, Tiew Pai. After showing us to our rooms, Uncle got us all something to drink and Mommy Lakrod cooked up a big plate of noodles. At first I said I wasn't hungry, but when the noodles arrived, it looked good so I ate some. Mommy smiled and smiled because I was eating.
After we all got changed into swim clothes, we went back down to the pier and got in another uncle's boat to take a trip around the island to a beach. The tide was too low for the boat to dock, so we all jumped off the side of the boat into the water! The water was warm and very salty, so we were all extremely buoyant. Jill and I entertained ourselves for a long time by floating in a sitting position with our feet sticking out of the water. We swam around until it started to get dark, we came out of the water and sat in lounge chairs on the beach. Daddy Lakrod immediately rushed over and offered us beer or Pepsi - it was like a fabulous vacation! We showered at some of the beachfront cabins that Mommy's sister (I didn't learn her name, so let's call her Auntie) runs. After we showered, we sat at a long table on the beach and had a nice dinner courtesy of Auntie's family. Rik and I were particularly enamoured with the tom kha gai, hot and sour coconut milk soup.
Uncle drove us back to the guesthouse in his truck. We went to our room and upon closer inspection, had kind of a petty American reaction. There were little bugs in the bed (our bed was on the floor, Japanese style) and Jill & Brenda found a gigantic spider in their room, which caused much screaming. Rik and I talked it over and decided that even though we were taking rainwater showers and flushing the toilet with a bucket and sharing our bedroom with geckos - the Lakrods and Uncle Toom and everyone else were giving us an amazing generous gift and we should cherish it. It also put our lives in the U.S. in a better perspective for us - we take for granted things like indoor plumbing and insulation and toasters and espresso and washing machines and so on. We really have an amazingly blessed life and we should appreciate it.
Saturday, June 1, 2002
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We had breakfast at Uncle's restaurant - iced coffee, fruit, and pastries. The Thai girls had jook. My dad had jook too, but requested it without meat - he couldn't quite face fish for breakfast. Uncle drove us to the Chinese temple on the hillside. We walked up the many stairs and looked around the temple. The focus of it is a Buddha image that is part of a rock formation inside a cave - the whole temple has been built around it. The view from the terrace was beautiful! We could see a large part of the island and the surrounding waters. After we walked back down, Uncle reappeared and drove us to see the view from an overlook on the other side of the island, then had us walk through the ruins of King Rama V's vacation home. That's where the Vimanmek Mansion was moved from. Uncle told us that he wanted us to experience his island first hand, not just hear him talk about it... he illustrated his point by telling us that he went to Dallas once and all he saw was the place where JFK was assassinated. It was neat to see the ruins in varying states of disrepair - the tiny chapel is still kept up, but some of the other buildings are falling down. We happened upon a group of naked little boys swimming in what used to be a reservoir. They all jumped in the water in a hurry and took turns yelling, "Hello! How are you?"
Uncle met us at the other side of the ruins and took us to Mommy Lakrod's house to help with the flower-making. My job was to separate the flowers from the stems. Other people were stringing them into garlands or sprays on narrow sticks. I was glad to participate in the flower-making, although I don't know how much I actually helped... it was nice to feel like I was creating something. We had lunch outside Mommy's house under the trees. Uncle made potato salad for us Americans, how nice! After lunch, I had a nap and Rik and Kung went to the gold shop in town. I found out later that he was buying extra gifts for me.
In the evening, we went swimming at the beach again, but the water was all green with algae. We didn't stay for very long. We went back to the resort for dinner. Uncle had arranged for some local karaoke singers to entertain us... one of the girls singing was so talented that at first we thought she was a recording! After we ate, we all got up to learn a simple Thai dance from the Thai girls. Uncle took tons of pictures - I think he was entertained by our attempt at dancing.
As is the tradition, I spent the night in my parents' room so they could give me advice and say goodbye to me since I would be married the next day.
Sunday, June 2, 2002 - WEDDING DAY
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We got up extremely early so Mom and I could go to the hairdresser's shop at 6:30. The Thai girls got up even earlier, because they all looked beautiful already. Jill and Brenda were getting their hair done when Mom and I arrived at the shop. I was alarmed when the first thing the hairdresser did was tease my hair out into a giant ball of fluff - Jill said, "You look like a lion!" But the giant ball of fluff morphed into a beautiful updo decorated with pink flowers and pearl beads. I'd never had any reason to wear flowers in my hair before - I thought it was really pretty and romantic. After my mom also got big wedding hair with flowers, we hurried back to Mommy Lakrod's house to change into our dresses and put on makeup. My dad was with us at the house as well. We heard the music start, signaling that the procession was starting, and out the window we saw a bunch of kids run down the road to see what was happening. One of Kung's cousins told us we could go out on the road and watch the beginning of the procession, but we had to hurry back into the house as soon as the procession turned the corner onto our road.
The procession started at 8:09 am, a time chosen by the monks to be especially lucky. There were a lot of people in the procession, including a bunch of girls dancing, a group of musicians, a man with a bullhorn singing, lots of people (including Jill & Brenda and the Thai girls) carrying plates of food or gifts. The things I saw them carrying included brass plates, desserts, fruit, coconuts, raw pork, big cookies shaped like fish, crabs, and prawns. Two men were carrying huge stalks of sugarcane. All these items were meant to bring good fortune to our wedding. Rik and his adopted family (Mommy and Daddy Lakrod, Uncle Toom) were at the back of the procession. Rik told me that Uncle conscripted people into the procession as it went down the street - like two guys driving motorcycle taxis that Uncle told to get off their bikes and join the procession. Once the group arrived at the house, the girls and some of the kids formed "gates" across the sidewalk using belts or necklaces. Rik had to pay them to get through the gates to get to the house. The two guys from the motorcycles stole Rik's shoes and he had to pay them to get his shoes back! Some of the girls made more than one gate and got paid two or three times.
After Rik finally made his way through all the gates and into the house, we were given flower garlands to wear around our necks. Daddy Lakrod took us outside together to pray and offer incense to the spirit of the land and the spirit of the island. Then we went into the kitchen to pray to the spirit of the house. We placed the incense on plates of fruit as part of the offering. Then we went back into the room where Dr. Chulee, acting as Rik's representative, talked about my good character and good presentation, and formally informed my parents that Rik requested me as his wife. Then Rik, who was quite choked up, told my parents that he wanted me as his wife, and presented them with the Sin Sod or dowry in cash and jewelry. My parents gave their permission and said nice things about our union. We exchanged gifts with them, then exchanged gifts with Mommy and Daddy Lakrod. Daddy Lakrod looked so happy - he leaned over and patted my hand like he was proud of me.
We rested until the 9 monks arrived and got settled around the perimeter of the room. We went inside and knelt in front of them. Daddy Lakrod lit the incense and candles on the shrine and starting the chanting. Dr. Nitsri and Dr. Chulee and Mommy Lakrod all joined in. There was a call-and-response chant that they exchanged with the head monk, then all the monks startd chanting together. Rik and I sat quietly and respectfully and tried to be solemn. We were both very impressed with the power of the chanting, especially when two of the older monks started throat singing! Although we had both known that throat singing was practiced by Buddhist monks, we hadn't expected to hear it firsthand. While the monks chanted, a candle suspended over a bowl of water dripped wax onto the surface of the water, sanctifying it.
After about 30 minutes of prayers, the monks stopped chanting. Rik and I went around to each monk on our knees to receive the sacred shower - each monk sprinkled each of us from the bowl of holy water. We were quite wet by the time we reached the ninth monk! Then the aunties carried in many plates of food and placed them on the floor. Daddy Lakrod offered some of the food to the Buddha shrine, then Rik and I together served the rest of the food to the monks. We left the room and went outside while they ate. When they were finished eating, we went back inside to receive the final blessing. They prayed for another 10 minutes or so, then Rik and I went to each monk on our knees and offered them flowers, incense, and an envelope of money. They each made the wai gesture of respect to us - and the ninth monk, who looked the youngest, gave us a huge grin and a thumbs-up as well. Kung and Chulee told us later that he wasn't supposed to do that!
As soon as the monks filed out, Rik hustled me outside to sit in a chair and Mommy Lakrod brought me some water. I guess during the last blessing I'd turned kind of pale and they were afraid I was going to pass out. After I'd caught my breath, it was time for the Rod Nam (Water Blessing) ceremony. We were seated under a tree on chairs in front of a low table. We rested our arms on small pillows with our hands in the wai position. Three of the Thai girls and Brenda stood behind us to look beautiful. Some of the other Thai girls prepared the holy water to be poured by the guests. Each of the older guests (my mom and dad, Mommy and Daddy Lakrod, Dr. Chulee, Dr. Nitsri, and one of the aunties) poured water over each of our hands and made good wishes for us - things like, "Have a happy marriage," "Live in harmony," "Be kind to each other," "Have good babies". After they blessed us, Jill handed them a wedding favor that had been labelled with our names and the date. We posed for a bunch of photos and then it was time to go back to the guesthouse.
When we arrived at the guesthouse, we all went to change into comfortable clothes, and had lunch. Lunch was really good, especially the Massaman curry (a Muslim-influenced curry with chicken and potatoes). Rik arrived at the lunch table after I had already started to eat, and I made a point of telling him he'd like the Massaman curry a lot. Uncle said, "See how much she loves him!" After lunch, Rik and my parents and I ended up taking a nap in my parents' room - we'd been instructed to stay out of our room so the girls could decorate it.
Later on, we went to the beach and swam for a while, then sat in lounge chairs and watched the sun set. Dinner was several kinds of grilled seafood and tom yum kung (spicy shrimp soup). Kung doesn't eat crab, but she peeled steamed crab for us until we were all stuffed!
After dinner, we headed back to our room and entered at 8:09 (the lucky time), which had been decorated with flowers on the porch and in the corner of the room, and rose petals on our bed. My parents held hands and lay down on our bed and pretended to dream for a moment. Kung whispered something in my mom's ear, and when they "woke up", Mom said, "I dreamed that there is something under Emily's pillow for her." Next Rik and I held hands and lay down on the bed, and everyone left. We were officially married! (Under my pillow, Rik had hidden a gold bracelet with elephant charms. He had been told that it was traditional to get a "first night" gift for his new wife, and hoped that I would wear the bracelet as a reminder that we were married in Thailand. As if I could forget.)
Monday, June 3, 2002
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We were woken up very early and threw clothes on and took our luggage down to Uncle's truck. Thank goodness we'd decided to shower and pack the night before! Mommy Lakrod handed me a cup of coffee and told us to start walking to the pier. We made it onto the 6:00 am boat, but it was so full we sat on the front deck crammed in with a bunch of other people. I was surprised to see a bunch of school kids in uniforms on the boat - when we arrived on the mainland, they all got into school vans and disappeared. What a tough commute to school!
The van picked us up at the dock to take us back to Bangkok. When we got in the van, we discovered that Mommy had packed grilled ham & cheese sandwiches and fresh-squeezed orange juice for the Americans, and fried rice for the Thai girls. When we arrived at the Lakrod house in Bangkok, the Lakrods weren't there yet. One of the girls let us into the house, and the family dogs made no protest at all! Later Kung told us they weren't guard dogs, they were "receptionist dogs." After Kung arrived, we got back in the van and went to the airport to catch our flight to Chiangmai.
When we arrived at the Chiangmai airport, we met our tour guide Somchai - he told us to call him Chai. He was friendly and funny and kept telling us, "Don't worry about that." We checked into our hotel, the Pornping Tower Hotel, and were surprised to find that we again had two twin beds. Doesn't anyone sleep together in Thailand? After checking in, Chai herded us into the van and took us to three different handicraft factories, for lacquerware, gemstones, and silver. Each one had approximately the same agenda - first they would give a presentation about how the goods were made, then there would be a short tour of the workshop, then we'd be escorted into a showroom with very attentive salespeople. There were some nice things, though, and we ended up buying several items at each factory. Chai kept appearing in the showrooms with snacks and drinks, which was really nice!
We went back to the hotel and showered and rested for a while, then Chai & the van picked us up to go to dinner. We went to the Khantoke Palace, which offered khantoke dining and traditional Thai dance & music performances. It was touristy - most of the other diners were also foreigners - but it wasn't cheesy. The food was served family style and was delicious! The dancing and the music were very well done. Rik was intrigued by one of the instruments - it looked similar to a pin but had four strings. It turned out to be called sueng. Chai said he would take Rik to a store where they made suengs the next day.
During the last dance, the dancers came out into the audience and asked diners to join them onstage. One girl asked my dad if he would dance with her "pleeeeeeease!" and he did! I could hardly believe it!
Tuesday, June 4, 2002
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Chai and the van picked us up early, after a buffet breakfast at the hotel. We drove for about an hour to reach Mae Taeng Elephant Camp. When we arrived, we wandered up to the fenced enclosure where the elephants were kept, and Chai started buying bunches of bananas for us to feed to the elephants. The adult elephants would vacuum up the bananas in bunches with their trunks and then put them into their mouths. There were a couple of baby elephants outside the fence being supervised by some people... we peeled bananas to feed to the babies, and fed the peels to the adults.
A bunch of the elephants were taken into the river next to the camp to be bathed. I read later that regular bathing helps them stay cool and bug-free. The baby elephants were very funny, they wrestled like puppies in the water. Next we watched the elephants do a show demonstrating some of their skills from the days when they were used in logging. They dragged logs and stacked them, working cooperatively. They also did some circus-type performing, which I didn't like as much. It seemed undignified. I was impressed with the elephant who walked to the end of a balance beam (a log that was elevated a few feet), then spun around and walked to the other end of it. I had no idea they were so graceful.
After the show, we were put into a seat on top of an elephant for a ride through the forest. Rik and I rode together on a big male elephant. My dad rode alone, and Mom and Kung rode together on a smaller elephant. Kung interviewed her elephant's mahout (driver) and learned that he was 19, and had been with his elephant since he was 14. I thought it was pretty neat that the mahouts had such close relationships with the animals. The elephant we rode on had some cuts on his forehead - Kung inquired about that and found out that the cuts were from the bullhook or ankus that the mahout used to discipline him. Rik and I were both upset about this, although to be fair, the cuts were not deep and had been dressed with gentian ointment, presumably by the mahout since his fingers were purple. Most of the drivers were guiding their elephants simply with pressure from their feet or hands on the elephants' ears or heads. I had mixed feelings about it... on one hand, the elephants were obviously well-fed and clean, and didn't seem agitated or abused. On the other hand, I don't condone physical discipline that results in injuries... although from my personal experience with my horses, I know that sometimes physical discipline is the only way to get the animal to comply.
Rik and I both got quite sunburned during the elephant ride. We would be sorry about that later. We got off of the elephants at a small market of stands selling handicrafts made by Lisu tribespeople. The Lisu are one of the hilltribes of Northern Thailand, originally from the area of Tibet. They are well-known for their silverwork and their brightly-colored clothing. We bought quite a lot of things from several different stands. I felt woozy and kind of sick (probably aftereffects from sunburn, although I didn't really realize that yet), so I sat down in the middle of the market in a pavilion-type building. Two little boys were playing soccer in the field in front of me; they were very cute.
Our tour group rounded us up and told us to get in the last available oxcart to head back to the main camp. The man driving our cart was very friendly - he allowed both Kung and Rik to drive the oxen, and told us the oxen's names. The ride was very bumpy. I can't imagine using an oxcart as a regular mode of transportation! When we arrived back at the main camp, we went inside for a buffet lunch of Northern Thai food. We got back into the van and drove to an orchid farm. It was more of a greenhouse than a farm, really. I was surprised to see orchids growing with their roots in the air, not in pots with dirt. They came in all colors and sizes, and some of them smelled heavenly. The greenhouse also had fish tanks, outdoor lotus ponds, and a butterfly garden. We wandered around and relaxed for a while, then drove back to Chiangmai. Before returning to the hotel, Chai took us to a music shop to look at suengs - it turned out that the man who owned the shop carved some of the suengs himself from solid pieces of wood. Rik was intrigued and bought one because he admired the craftsmanship.
We returned to the hotel and then walked to an ice cream shop to cool off. Then we took naps so we would be refreshed for the night bazaar. First we had dinner at a restaurant called Whole Earth. We arrived at the restaurant just in time to avoid a downpour! The building was an old bamboo house, which was really beautiful. Rik and I were excited to eat Indian food. My parents and Kung had Thai food, which was also delicious. After dinner, we started walking through the night market. We shopped for a while, then Rik and I decided to go back to the hotel. Kung and my parents shopped a while longer. When Rik realized that we'd forgotten to pick up our developed film at a camera store, he talked to Kung about going to pick up the photos in the morning... she called the photo shop and convinced them to reopen just so he could pick up the pictures. She's amazing!
Wednesday, June 5, 2002
We had originally planned to go to a temple outside of Chiangmai before flying back to Bangkok, but instead we decided that we were all tired and would prefer to catch an earlier flight to Bangkok. We also upgraded ourselves to first class - too bad the flight was only an hour long! When we arrived at the Bangkok airport, Mommy and Daddy Lakrod were waiting for us with the rest of our luggage that we'd stored at their house. They had hired a car to take us back to the campus hotel, where we checked in and started repacking for our trip home. We had to borrow a suitcase from my parents to pack all the extra stuff we'd acquired during our trip!
That evening, Dr. Chulee came to pick us up and took us to a pier on the Chao Phraya river, where we met the Lakrod family. We all boarded a boat for a 2-hour dinner cruise up and down the river, past some of the sights of Bangkok. There was a big buffet dinner, which was nice, and the view from the water was great. I didn't realize that most of the temples and palaces are brightly lit at night - we could see the Grand Palace and Wat Arun (the Temple of Dawn) and the King's boathouse containing the royal boats. We also cruised under an incredibly cool suspension bridge, the Rama VIII Bridge, that was just recently completed. It was a pleasant way to see the city - not so hot and with drinks and dessert readily available!
After the cruise docked, we returned to campus to finish packing and try to get a few hours of sleep. Our biggest concern was whether we'd be able to carry on the pin and sueng that Rik had bought - he'd wrapped them in bubble wrap (we learned that Thais call bubble wrap "fish-egg paper") and put them inside a big shopping bag. We were concerned that they would be too big to fit in the overhead compartment on the plane, but there was no way they could be checked - they definitely wouldn't survive a trip in the cargo hold.
Thursday, June 6, 2002
The van arrived at 5:00 to pick us up for the trip to the airport. Our pile of outgoing luggage was very impressive! Mommy and Daddy followed us to the airport and escorted us through security. The Bangkok airport x-rays bags that you're going to check and labels them so they don't have to be hand-searched. United Airlines requires hand-searching of all carry-on luggage. We were a little concerned about that because we had several things in our bags that were wrapped in bubble wrap and tape so they wouldn't get broken. The security people cut open one of them to have a look, then let us pass. When we checked in at the counter, we got the first of several questions about the pin and sueng. It was easy to explain to the Thai people at the Bangkok airport what they were.
We had to say goodbye to the Lakrods before we went through immigration & customs. Mommy hugged us all and Daddy shook our hands effusively. He said he hoped we would meet again, in Thailand or in the United States. Rik and I tried to thank them for everything they'd done for us, but our words seemed completely inadequate. Kung was so sad to see us go, she started to cry. We assured her we would see her again before too long.
Then we boarded the plane to Japan. We had no trouble getting a flight attendant to put Rik's instruments in a closet where they would be safe. I fell asleep immediately and even slept through takeoff, which is very unusual because I am most afraid of takeoff and landing. After 6 1/2 hours, we landed at Narita in Japan. Rik and I were starving - the airline food wasn't very good - so we left our bags with my parents and went looking for something good to eat. We ended up sharing chicken teriyaki, miso soup, and some kind of mysterious pickles. (Any pickle is a good pickle, as my dad said!) We felt so much better after having some good food. Then we boarded our flight for Seattle. It's really hard to have the longer leg of the trip last - we were still three hours away from Seattle when I started to think I couldn't take being on an airplane anymore! But eventually we arrived in Seattle and disembarked. Then we waited in a long line to go through immigration, then claimed our bags, went through customs, had our bags taken away again, went to the main terminal, and reclaimed our bags. It seemed pretty ridiculous to have such a hard time getting through customs in our own country, after having such an easy time getting in and out of Thailand. And that can't be attributed to tighter security in the U.S. - the customs and security officials in Bangkok seemed quite conscientious. They were just faster and better organized than their American counterparts.
We took a shuttle home, got my parents loaded into their car to drive home, and went to bed. We slept until evening when we ordered a pizza to celebrate our return to the U.S.
Closing Thoughts
This trip was a really amazing experience. Our wedding exceeded any expectations we might have had - we are touched that so many people worked so hard to make the wedding a terrific event. I hope that everyone involved thought their efforts were worthwhile. It was a wonderful adventure that we will never forget. It was much more meaningful, as a shared experience, than I think an American-style wedding would have been.
Apart from the wedding, visiting Thailand was a very interesting adventure. I'm grateful that we had Thai people with us to act as guides and translators... I think it would have been a more challenging experience if we'd been on our own, mostly because we don't speak or read Thai. It was fascinating to visit a country with a much longer history than the United States - seeing temples that have existed for hundreds of years mingled with much newer buildings. Or seeing a Thai person talking on a cell phone in the middle of a market selling fruit and handicrafts. Or contrasting the Skytrain to wooden boats on the canals. It was also eye-opening to see that Thailand's economy is much less prosperous than the United States - something we knew but hadn't seen firsthand. When we compared our standard of living to the general standard of living in Thailand, we felt extremely fortunate to have our cushy lifestyle. We were also impressed at the sense of enterprise and ingenuity that we saw - for example, anyone in Thailand can be an entrepreneur of grilled-chicken-on-a-stick just by acquiring a grill and some chicken. I also thought it was neat to see the organized production of handicrafts (like One Village, One Product) supported by the goverment - those programs allow "regular people" to support their families.
More than anything else, I am just overwhelmed at the kindness and generosity that we experienced, from everyone from Dr. Chulee and Kung who were our full-time hosts, to the students who took us out sight-seeing, to the girls who helped with the flowers for the wedding, to the aunties on the island who helped out on the day of the wedding. I can see why Thailand is known as the Land of Smiles.